Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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