I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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