this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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