I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
