ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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