I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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