You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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