As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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