feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need a beard to bite.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
