bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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