You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
