Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
