Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
