butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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