It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
