My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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