He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
