its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
