Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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