If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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