My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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