he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
