Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
