I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is Oprah even human
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
