my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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