it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
