Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
