ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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