yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
