Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
