Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
