just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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