Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My feet surprised me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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