weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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