me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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