Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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