i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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