the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
