Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
