i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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