My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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