Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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