I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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