Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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