you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
