youre lurking in front of me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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