i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
