totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
