Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
