I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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