My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
