So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish my penis had a tongue
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
