Your face is a jimmy john
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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