Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
