What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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