evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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