can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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