whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
