first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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