I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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