his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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