cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
