I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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