I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
