I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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