My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
