Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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