He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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