Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
