I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
