cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
