his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize