I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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