Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
