Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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