You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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