id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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