WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
