garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize