My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
