i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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